[He's silent for a while, before quietly shaking his head.]
Forgot for a while.
[He swallows, takes a deep breath... he's starting to come back to reality, leaning into Squalo's touch and finally starting to make proper eye contact.]
Fran's gone. I killed him and- he was supposed to come back, and he didn't, and the demons took all his shit and they took his dog-
[He has to break from Squalo's touch at that point, to run his hands through his hair. He might be pulling some of it out. He honestly looks like a junkie in withdrawal.]
oops its my only hug emote one of them is a honorary xx now
[ It seems that his presence is somewhat working too, at least. Squalo watches him, and he's about to ask him what he's done -- because nobody could cause Dodger to be in such a state other than Dodger himself -- when he speaks up again. ]
[ Oh. ]
[ Squalo never thought they were a good match -- the kid didn't seem at all into suffering and murder from what little he's gotten to see of him -- but not even that long ago, Dodger claimed to be happy, and Squalo let it go, endorsed it, or pretended to at least. ]
[ But the two tings weren't mutually exclusive. Love and death were so closely intertwined, weren't they? There's every chance that Dodger did feel what he claimed, and then destroyed it with his own hands anyway. ]
[ Just how life goes, sometimes. ]
[ No couple could ever come close to what Squalo feels for Xanxus, of course, but for the sake of empathy, he tries to imagine himself in Dodger's shoes. Words aren't enough. ]
[ He reaches out, carefully, wary of any sudden increase in temperature again. If allowed, he'll slowly pull the other man's hands out of what's left of his hair, rest a hand on the back of his head and pull him close until his face rests somewhere against Squalo's upper chest, and just hold him for a little bit. ]
[ Hopefully it's what he needs. ]
[ Of course, silence never lasts with Squalo around. Rather than giving the other man an I'm sorry or whatever cliche bullshit which he would hope the not-hug already conveyed, he strokes his hair with a small smile. ]
[ It might feel... a little more soothing than a mere touch would, but nothing quite so unnatural that it'd draw attention. ]
[Dodger shakes his head again. No, he doesn't have his pills on hand. He'd gotten out of the habit somehow, just like he'd gotten out of the habit of wearing his hoodie. He's getting too comfortable.
The hug takes him by surprise, and that's what finally snaps him back to reality. His eyes widen, and he hesitantly reaches to wrap his arms around Squalo in turn.
[ Squalo considers getting it for him, but it seems he's doing better, so it can probably wait. He strokes down the back of the other man's neck, flickers of Rain Flames dancing around his fingertips -- he's barely going beyond skin deep, just enough to ease the built up tension. ]
It was bound to happen. Try not to blame yourself. [ Well. So much for empathy. Then again, he has been told this before, and he imagines it would have benefitted him greatly if he could have believed it. The fact he didn't wouldn't make him appreciate the thought less. ] Has he seen you to this extent before?
I know. You wanted to be your best... picture like, almost. [ He allows him to shift closer, continuing his soothing strokes down his back, a little playful, as if trying to track the shape of his spine with his fingertips. The obtrusive heat is easing up a bit, and he can rest an elbow against the edge of the tub. ] But if he had known you, maybe he would've stopped it.
[ It is 100% proven that it doesn't work this way, exhibit A being Squalo himself being able to do shit all when Dodger really had his mind set on murdering him. But it's not the only meaning there. He might've left instead, letting Dodger regress to... someone more suitable for the less great things that made him who he was. ]
[ He wonders if he's playing with fire again. Shit, he's missed this. The game on hard mode. ]
That's up to you. I would say it's ultimately a big part of who you are. But if you weren't trying so hard to deny it, maybe it wouldn't have to remind you of itself in such... explosive ways.
[He hates to admit it, but Squalo has a point. Dodger should know by now, that his anger doesn't go away when he holds back. It builds. And someone always ends up getting hurt.
He's silent for a while, just stewing in his thoughts. He's been pushing Squalo aside in his own way, trying to push down the side of him that Squalo likes so much. But there has to be a balance, right? Some way to just be... himself.
He shifts a bit, running a hand through Squalo's hair before leaning up to press a kiss to his lips.]
[ Well that just sounds like pointless self-sabotage. He's tried to be the somewhat decent person that the goody-two-shoes wanted him to be, and look where that brought him. Right back to Squalo, of course. With his true self having burst through the seams like a festering wound. ]
[ Squalo half-smirks at him, though it may be pretext to press his lips together tightly so it's less of a proper kiss. His good hand moves to Dodger's jaw and clenches it, not quite painfully but firm enough to hold his head steady as he looks at his face from a safe distance. ]
Bad dog.
[ But there's amusement, even fondness in it, and he gives him a kiss on the forehead in return. ]
How do you feel now?
[ His bathroom isn't exploding anymore so he has to guess "better", but it's a slippery slope and maybe he wants to talk more about it. Squalo's ready to be accommodating for a little while longer, until he inevitably remembers how easy he can get in trouble. ]
[ He might get that if he tries again. Squalo's trying to be gentle, considering he was just having a breakdown in his tub. As is he just lets go of him with a huff, but doesn't pull that far away, allowing him to keep his hand on him. ]
Shut up.
[ He kind of does, in a weird way. Funny how that works, especially after the whole not being friends thing. ]
[ He's about to offer Dodger a bucket of gelato or something when he pops the million dollar question and Squalo seems to freeze for a moment, his expression falling. ]
Oh shit, oh fuck. [ He's talking a lot faster now, the tint of Sicilian accent becoming thicker all of the sudden. ] I don't know. We've gotta get out of here.
[ Squalo's not sure whether he's relieved or disappointed that he doesn't have to explain how this looks ("Hey dear, I'm hiding my ex a man in our bathtub!"), but some part of him is grateful that Dodger seems to get it. ]
[ The room still looks like a warzone, though. That, and he's slightly taken aback by just how quickly Dodger seems to bounce back to normal. Was this the effect Squalo had on him? If that was the case, why was he in such a rush to get away from him? Was he bottling up a different part of himself now? ]
You sure you wanna go to the club? You were melting my bathroom, like, ten minutes ago.
[ He lays that down before anything else, and then he considers. How much exactly does he want to be a good friend right now? This is probably stupid, but then, as much as he enjoys bringing up the man has killed him and worse, he's done the same. ]
[ Maybe they really deserve each other. ]
[ Nonsexually, obviously. ]
...I actually kinda have a secret room in the hotel.
[Honestly, he likes the sound of that. And... yeah, the fact that Squalo has a secret room really says a lot about that relationship of his. He raises a brow, with an expression that says he's trying not to laugh at him.]
[ Excuse, it says absolutely nothing about his relationship!! He just happened to have special access to a new place and he may or may not have let anyone else know about it. (Even if Xanxus did see it, he'd have no interest in returning there... or maybe he didn't even go, who knows.) It just didn't come up, right? ]
[ Squalo sees that almost-laughing look, and on one hand he's grateful that he doesn't have to deal with the mopey, bathroom-destroying Dodger anymore, but on another, the smug Dodger who didn't think Squalo was the unquestionably coolest thing in this life was about just as annoying. ]
[ He folds his arms and huffs. ]
Yes. It only opens for me.
[ COOL, HUH? Looks like biting Satan's dick definitely pays better. ]
[ He's glancing around the bathroom mournfully and pulling out his phone to call room service. Or room repair, in this case. He can't just leave it like this, what if Xanxus comes home? ]
...do you want anything? Uh, icecream or something?
--Yes, hello, I'm gonna need someone to come by and get me a new sink, pronto.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Forgot for a while.
[He swallows, takes a deep breath... he's starting to come back to reality, leaning into Squalo's touch and finally starting to make proper eye contact.]
Fran's gone. I killed him and- he was supposed to come back, and he didn't, and the demons took all his shit and they took his dog-
[He has to break from Squalo's touch at that point, to run his hands through his hair. He might be pulling some of it out. He honestly looks like a junkie in withdrawal.]
oops its my only hug emote one of them is a honorary xx now
Do you have any on you?
[ It seems that his presence is somewhat working too, at least. Squalo watches him, and he's about to ask him what he's done -- because nobody could cause Dodger to be in such a state other than Dodger himself -- when he speaks up again. ]
[ Oh. ]
[ Squalo never thought they were a good match -- the kid didn't seem at all into suffering and murder from what little he's gotten to see of him -- but not even that long ago, Dodger claimed to be happy, and Squalo let it go, endorsed it, or pretended to at least. ]
[ But the two tings weren't mutually exclusive. Love and death were so closely intertwined, weren't they? There's every chance that Dodger did feel what he claimed, and then destroyed it with his own hands anyway. ]
[ Just how life goes, sometimes. ]
[ No couple could ever come close to what Squalo feels for Xanxus, of course, but for the sake of empathy, he tries to imagine himself in Dodger's shoes. Words aren't enough. ]
[ He reaches out, carefully, wary of any sudden increase in temperature again. If allowed, he'll slowly pull the other man's hands out of what's left of his hair, rest a hand on the back of his head and pull him close until his face rests somewhere against Squalo's upper chest, and just hold him for a little bit. ]
[ Hopefully it's what he needs. ]
[ Of course, silence never lasts with Squalo around. Rather than giving the other man an I'm sorry or whatever cliche bullshit which he would hope the not-hug already conveyed, he strokes his hair with a small smile. ]
[ It might feel... a little more soothing than a mere touch would, but nothing quite so unnatural that it'd draw attention. ]
That... took longer than I expected.
[ #NAILED IT ]
an honor, truly
The hug takes him by surprise, and that's what finally snaps him back to reality. His eyes widen, and he hesitantly reaches to wrap his arms around Squalo in turn.
And those words get a quiet huff of laughter.]
Yeah.. yeah, it did.
indeed
It was bound to happen. Try not to blame yourself. [ Well. So much for empathy. Then again, he has been told this before, and he imagines it would have benefitted him greatly if he could have believed it. The fact he didn't wouldn't make him appreciate the thought less. ] Has he seen you to this extent before?
[ Has he seen the real you? ]
no subject
No. We've fought, but... I never wanted to hurt him. I always held back.
[It just boiled up. Just like with Janet, with others before her. As if the killing is a need, and his body works against him if he doesn't feed it.
He settles a bit closer into Squalo's embrace.]
This is gonna happen every time, huh.
no subject
[ It is 100% proven that it doesn't work this way, exhibit A being Squalo himself being able to do shit all when Dodger really had his mind set on murdering him. But it's not the only meaning there. He might've left instead, letting Dodger regress to... someone more suitable for the less great things that made him who he was. ]
[ He wonders if he's playing with fire again. Shit, he's missed this. The game on hard mode. ]
That's up to you. I would say it's ultimately a big part of who you are. But if you weren't trying so hard to deny it, maybe it wouldn't have to remind you of itself in such... explosive ways.
no subject
He's silent for a while, just stewing in his thoughts. He's been pushing Squalo aside in his own way, trying to push down the side of him that Squalo likes so much. But there has to be a balance, right? Some way to just be... himself.
He shifts a bit, running a hand through Squalo's hair before leaning up to press a kiss to his lips.]
no subject
[ Squalo half-smirks at him, though it may be pretext to press his lips together tightly so it's less of a proper kiss. His good hand moves to Dodger's jaw and clenches it, not quite painfully but firm enough to hold his head steady as he looks at his face from a safe distance. ]
Bad dog.
[ But there's amusement, even fondness in it, and he gives him a kiss on the forehead in return. ]
How do you feel now?
[ His bathroom isn't exploding anymore so he has to guess "better", but it's a slippery slope and maybe he wants to talk more about it. Squalo's ready to be accommodating for a little while longer, until he inevitably remembers how easy he can get in trouble. ]
no subject
You love me.
[He shifts, sits up and starts idly playing with Squalo's hair. For as long as the man lets him.]
How long until Xanxus comes back here?
no subject
Shut up.
[ He kind of does, in a weird way. Funny how that works, especially after the whole not being friends thing. ]
[ He's about to offer Dodger a bucket of gelato or something when he pops the million dollar question and Squalo seems to freeze for a moment, his expression falling. ]
Oh shit, oh fuck. [ He's talking a lot faster now, the tint of Sicilian accent becoming thicker all of the sudden. ] I don't know. We've gotta get out of here.
no subject
Alright, I'm heading to the Club, then. You coming?
[Maybe they can find a private room to... secretly be friends.]
no subject
my exa man in our bathtub!"), but some part of him is grateful that Dodger seems to get it. ][ The room still looks like a warzone, though. That, and he's slightly taken aback by just how quickly Dodger seems to bounce back to normal. Was this the effect Squalo had on him? If that was the case, why was he in such a rush to get away from him? Was he bottling up a different part of himself now? ]
You sure you wanna go to the club? You were melting my bathroom, like, ten minutes ago.
no subject
They've got private rooms. Better than going back to my house, yeah? Unless you've got a better suggestion.
[His voice drops.]
I want to keep you close.
no subject
You can hold onto me. You can't kiss me.
[ He lays that down before anything else, and then he considers. How much exactly does he want to be a good friend right now? This is probably stupid, but then, as much as he enjoys bringing up the man has killed him and worse, he's done the same. ]
[ Maybe they really deserve each other. ]
[ Nonsexually, obviously. ]
...I actually kinda have a secret room in the hotel.
no subject
[Honestly, he likes the sound of that. And... yeah, the fact that Squalo has a secret room really says a lot about that relationship of his. He raises a brow, with an expression that says he's trying not to laugh at him.]
Secret room?
no subject
[ Squalo sees that almost-laughing look, and on one hand he's grateful that he doesn't have to deal with the mopey, bathroom-destroying Dodger anymore, but on another, the smug Dodger who didn't think Squalo was the unquestionably coolest thing in this life was about just as annoying. ]
[ He folds his arms and huffs. ]
Yes. It only opens for me.
[ COOL, HUH? Looks like biting Satan's dick definitely pays better. ]
no subject
Alright, lead the way.
no subject
[ He's glancing around the bathroom mournfully and pulling out his phone to call room service. Or room repair, in this case. He can't just leave it like this, what if Xanxus comes home? ]
...do you want anything? Uh, icecream or something?
--Yes, hello, I'm gonna need someone to come by and get me a new sink, pronto.