Of course; I wouldn't ask for this favour without ensuring I can pay the price.
[ He's glad it was brought up so quickly - and he'll start with a modest offer, feel out what the bartering system is like here ]
If your man has an item of clothing in need of repair or alteration I'll be able to carry out that task. Tailoring is one of my talents and I've recently traded for a sewing machine.
[ on one hand, his closet is full of free Hell clothes. on another, a hand-tailored suit was valuable in ways simple plebeians would not understand. he makes a thoughtful noise. ]
I'll let him know. Perhaps you would like to suggest a few different options to choose from, just in case he does not like this one?
[ Except he may or may not decide to make L.L. wait for hours until he conditions his hair and sucks down some cocktails in the comfort of his couch, for an answer that he already knows, oops. ]
[ Anyway, eventually -- ]
He says the job sounds fun, but he also hopes you can show a little more appreciation for his rare skillset.
[ Thankfully L.L has learned patience - he’d decided to give Squalo 48 hours to answer before heading off to look for someone else, so there’s no impatience in his voice ]
I’m an excellent chef. Would he enjoy some haute cuisine?
[ Will he, though? On one hand, it's not every day somebody just offers him to chop off some limbs, so he'd rather not lose the contract. On another, he can't just roll over either; it seems the other man was experienced with negotiations and you never wanted to appear desperate to such people. ]
Would I get anything out of this, or is it supposed to be community service?
[ He laughs at that, not in the least bit offended. He knows he's an excellent chef; either Squalo would love his meals or Squalo just has no taste. Either way - ]
Your loss.
In which case, a favour for a favour: if you have need of a service and don't know where to turn, I'll find someone who can help you.
[ Squalo has no doubt that his own cooking is absolutely better than anything that could possibly come out of Britain anybody else's in Hell, and he's not too happy about implications otherwise, even if it would be nice to just lay around while the food prepares itself if it's actually anywhere near as good as the guy seems to think. But, of course, he's not about to say that. ]
Sounds fair, I guess. [ It's not a very good deal, but at least it's somewhat close to a favor and not something he already has. And sometimes he did need things outside of his usual expertise, so having contacts who fraternized with different sorts of people could be helpful. ] I'll send you a text.
[ And he does. Except if L.L. decides to compare, he'll probably see it's absolutely the same number? However that works for Hell phones. Or maybe it doesn't show the name, and he'll only find out once he actually decides to call it. ]
[ A text with no name for the contact, so of course he has to investigate if he recognises the number…
The bastard. L.L’s genuinely pissed off he never realised Squalo would just not mention he wanted to take the job himself.
So he owes the man a contact, a free clothing alteration and - maybe not the meal, Squalo hadn’t seemed too enthused about that. He’d have offered more but right now he’s irritated he’s given even that much
He called the number, and tersely without introduction ]
I hear you’re the man to ask to cut off my foot for me
[ This is actually back to hilarious, and Squalo's ready to crank it up another notch. He, of course, knows exactly who's calling despite the lack of introduction, and so he responds in an extremely transparently fake voice with an exaggerated accent. ]
Si, if you need anything cut off, you're speaking to the correct man. Have you considered my inquiry, signore?
[ Oops, he's dropped the phoney accent. Guess joke time is over. ]
[ He will indeed show, however, possibly even a little earlier. He looks relaxed but alert, hands shoved in his pockets leisurely, a couple swords hanging off his belt. ]
[ L.L is already sitting on a sofa in the suite, feet crossed on the table before him so as not to bump his horns, looking as regal as one can get in a t-shirt and speedos. There's no need to ruin any of better clothes with the blood.
He's made the decision to let the joke go, irritating as it was to be teased like that. The man coming is about to mutilate him and it behoves L.L not to give him a reason to keep chopping.
He inclines his head in greeting ]
Good afternoon, Squalo. Forgive me for not standing to greet you; my feet have been altered to uselessness.
[ He gestures, offering the man a seat at his left side. At his right a pair of crutches are lain over the couch. ]
[ Is the greeting he gets back before Squalo leans in curiously to inspect his feet, then leans back with disgusted noise, and finally sits down on the empty side of the couch, immediately manspreading, arms on the backrest and everything. ]
Well. I've been here for years and I can't say I've seen anything like this before. Gross. [ He chuckles, tact is clearly not a concern for him. He doesn't plant to be unhelpful, though. ] You try filin' them down?
[ So glad you're not wearing speedos as well with a posture like that, Squalo. He grimaces at the comment on his feet because sadly, it an entirely correct assessment.
Yes, and it was like nails being dragged over a chalkboard up my shins. I have an exceptional regenerative ability; regrowing an entire foot will be swifter and less painful than filing down both these horns.
[ He should consider himself blessed if he got to see this perfect sideball, thanks. As is, though, Squalo's overdressed in leather as usual, so there's no risk of that. This time. ]
If you say so.
[ Squalo could point out how all the hellish appendages seemed to grow back in a few days no matter how brutally you removed them... but where would the fun be in that? He can do it later, once he's already completed the maiming he's been hired to do. ]
[ Speaking of which, he's leaning forward again to slap what appears to be a sheet of paper and a pen on the coffee table. ]
First, your contract. [ He'll even allow him to write it up himself if he wants, to assure there is no foul play, but he doesn't know the man well enough to trust him at his word. ] I've no interested in your buddies going after my ass 'cause they think you didn't ask me to do this and agree to pay me for it.
[ pause ]
I'd trash them, of course, but it seems like a waste of all of our time. Don't you agree?
[ look at him, being a proper demon with horns and tail and contracts. at least he's not asking for it to be in blood. kind of. ]
Anyone who's a friend of mine would trust my judgement in this matter - but a contract is a sensible idea.
[ A blank piece of paper? L.L picks it up and begins to write
and write
and write
and write some more, defining exactly what's to be cut, where the cut is to happen, what the payment is for, and then a large number of disqualifying terms all to cover if Squalo decides to get violent to renege on their deal. There's even a diagram on there showing where on his leg he needs to be cut
He hands it back with a flourish after covering all of the front side and most of the back ]
[ Squalo begins to regret his decision somewhere halfway through the first page, and leans his head back against the backrest with an exaggerated sigh of frustration. Nonetheless, as soon as L.L. is done, he straightens back up, takes it, and reads through all of it with perfect diligence, making sure that he is indeed being paid everything he was promised, as well as checking the details of what his customer apparently wants. He even smirks at the diagram. ]
Just that? Easy.
[ If there is nothing else he might deem offense or suspicious in the contract, he will fold it up and tuck it into his jacket before proceeding to stand up. ]
Whenever you're ready. I recommend biting on something.
[ He'd planned to move to the bathroom to minimise the mess... but no, let the demons deal with the blood. Why should he make their life any easier when it was their master who'd mutilated his body.
He straightened out his skinny legs on the table, shuffling so that the spot he'd indicated for Squalo to cut would be hanging in the open air. It'd be impolite to make him blunt his sword on the table after all.
He leaned his head back upon the sofa, letting out a long breath. For now he wasn't going to look just in case he flinched - though he'd been ten years an immortal, he didn't have the same practice at dying that C.C had. ]
There's no need for me to bite anything. Every part of my body will heal as soon as the wound is made.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ He's glad it was brought up so quickly - and he'll start with a modest offer, feel out what the bartering system is like here ]
If your man has an item of clothing in need of repair or alteration I'll be able to carry out that task. Tailoring is one of my talents and I've recently traded for a sewing machine.
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[ on one hand, his closet is full of free Hell clothes. on another, a hand-tailored suit was valuable in ways simple plebeians would not understand. he makes a thoughtful noise. ]
I'll let him know. Perhaps you would like to suggest a few different options to choose from, just in case he does not like this one?
[ hint: he may not like this one. ]
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If he doesn’t like that option we can negotiate once he decides if he wants the job.
[ He’s not going to lay every card on the table at once ]
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[ Except he may or may not decide to make L.L. wait for hours until he conditions his hair and sucks down some cocktails in the comfort of his couch, for an answer that he already knows, oops. ]
[ Anyway, eventually -- ]
He says the job sounds fun, but he also hopes you can show a little more appreciation for his rare skillset.
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I’m an excellent chef. Would he enjoy some haute cuisine?
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[ Just offer him a raincheck favor, L.L. You know you want to. ]
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Or you can give me his contact details.
[ Squalo's not the only game in town by any means. He's not going to dance for a phone number (not that he could if he wanted to) ]
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[ Will he, though? On one hand, it's not every day somebody just offers him to chop off some limbs, so he'd rather not lose the contract. On another, he can't just roll over either; it seems the other man was experienced with negotiations and you never wanted to appear desperate to such people. ]
Would I get anything out of this, or is it supposed to be community service?
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Why not join us for dinner? If you’re close enough to recommend him I’m sure you’ll both get on well - and I can cook for three.
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I'd rather get takeout.
[ Is he saying that he doesn't get along with his mysterious friend, or is he dissing L.L.'s culinary prowess? Yes. ]
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Your loss.
In which case, a favour for a favour: if you have need of a service and don't know where to turn, I'll find someone who can help you.
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[ Squalo has no doubt that his own cooking is absolutely better than
anything that could possibly come out of Britainanybody else's in Hell, and he's not too happy about implications otherwise, even if it would be nice to just lay around while the food prepares itself if it's actually anywhere near as good as the guy seems to think. But, of course, he's not about to say that. ]Sounds fair, I guess. [ It's not a very good deal, but at least it's somewhat close to a favor and not something he already has. And sometimes he did need things outside of his usual expertise, so having contacts who fraternized with different sorts of people could be helpful. ] I'll send you a text.
[ And he does. Except if L.L. decides to compare, he'll probably see it's absolutely the same number? However that works for Hell phones. Or maybe it doesn't show the name, and he'll only find out once he actually decides to call it. ]
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The bastard. L.L’s genuinely pissed off he never realised Squalo would just not mention he wanted to take the job himself.
So he owes the man a contact, a free clothing alteration and - maybe not the meal, Squalo hadn’t seemed too enthused about that. He’d have offered more but right now he’s irritated he’s given even that much
He called the number, and tersely without introduction ]
I hear you’re the man to ask to cut off my foot for me
i don't even know but this is what you get
Si, if you need anything cut off, you're speaking to the correct man. Have you considered my inquiry, signore?
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When are first available? I want to get this over and done with as soon as possible.
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Cesare was born ready, signore. Would you like to do it now?
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Now would be best. I’ve already prepared room 219 for the amputation.
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[ Oops, he's dropped the phoney accent. Guess joke time is over. ]
[ He will indeed show, however, possibly even a little earlier. He looks relaxed but alert, hands shoved in his pockets leisurely, a couple swords hanging off his belt. ]
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He's made the decision to let the joke go, irritating as it was to be teased like that. The man coming is about to mutilate him and it behoves L.L not to give him a reason to keep chopping.
He inclines his head in greeting ]
Good afternoon, Squalo. Forgive me for not standing to greet you; my feet have been altered to uselessness.
[ He gestures, offering the man a seat at his left side. At his right a pair of crutches are lain over the couch. ]
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'Sup.
[ Is the greeting he gets back before Squalo leans in curiously to inspect his feet, then leans back with disgusted noise, and finally sits down on the empty side of the couch, immediately manspreading, arms on the backrest and everything. ]
Well. I've been here for years and I can't say I've seen anything like this before. Gross. [ He chuckles, tact is clearly not a concern for him. He doesn't plant to be unhelpful, though. ] You try filin' them down?
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Yes, and it was like nails being dragged over a chalkboard up my shins. I have an exceptional regenerative ability; regrowing an entire foot will be swifter and less painful than filing down both these horns.
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If you say so.
[ Squalo could point out how all the hellish appendages seemed to grow back in a few days no matter how brutally you removed them... but where would the fun be in that? He can do it later, once he's already completed the maiming he's been hired to do. ]
[ Speaking of which, he's leaning forward again to slap what appears to be a sheet of paper and a pen on the coffee table. ]
First, your contract. [ He'll even allow him to write it up himself if he wants, to assure there is no foul play, but he doesn't know the man well enough to trust him at his word. ] I've no interested in your buddies going after my ass 'cause they think you didn't ask me to do this and agree to pay me for it.
[ pause ]
I'd trash them, of course, but it seems like a waste of all of our time. Don't you agree?
[ look at him, being a proper demon with horns and tail and contracts. at least he's not asking for it to be in blood. kind of. ]
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[ A blank piece of paper? L.L picks it up and begins to write
and write
and write
and write some more, defining exactly what's to be cut, where the cut is to happen, what the payment is for, and then a large number of disqualifying terms all to cover if Squalo decides to get violent to renege on their deal. There's even a diagram on there showing where on his leg he needs to be cut
He hands it back with a flourish after covering all of the front side and most of the back ]
That should be sufficient.
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Just that? Easy.
[ If there is nothing else he might deem offense or suspicious in the contract, he will fold it up and tuck it into his jacket before proceeding to stand up. ]
Whenever you're ready. I recommend biting on something.
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He straightened out his skinny legs on the table, shuffling so that the spot he'd indicated for Squalo to cut would be hanging in the open air. It'd be impolite to make him blunt his sword on the table after all.
He leaned his head back upon the sofa, letting out a long breath. For now he wasn't going to look just in case he flinched - though he'd been ten years an immortal, he didn't have the same practice at dying that C.C had. ]
There's no need for me to bite anything. Every part of my body will heal as soon as the wound is made.
You may make your blow whenever you please.
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