[Dodger doesn't seek Squalo out for a while, after the attempt on Garrett fails. Even when he decides to, he doesn't know exactly how to approach him. He's sure Garrett has warned Squalo, and who knows if Squalo even wants him around now. No one else does.
Still, if anyone would understand, it's Squalo.]
i want to get hurt should i still come to you for that?
[ And it will be a while before he gets an answer, because Squalo is probably sleeping face down on the floor next to a puddle of vomit despite the warning he received. Well, either that, or he wonders what the fuck he's supposed to do with this. Possibly a bit of both. ]
[ Either way, once he reads and registers the message, he understands several things. 1) What a funny coincidence, he wants to get hurt too. 2) Dodger may, in fact, be trying to trick him and go full-ham crazy on him, like Garrett warned him. 3) If Dodger's going crazy on him, he won't be able to also be going crazy on Xanxus during this time. ]
[ Two against one. Hmmmmm. ]
It's better than hurting yourself, isn't it? [ The phrasing may or may not be enough to tip him off about Squalo's own well-being. ] Less pathetic.
[ It's not a yes, but also not a no. He doesn't care for his life just enough at the moment that he can allow himself the luxury to wait and see what would happen. Maybe he can get more information before deciding. Maybe Dodger will just pop up and rip his ribcage apart again. ]
[ Nonetheless, he's already rolling off the couch and grabbing around for a weapon, though he's definitely not in proper fight shape at the moment. ]
[ That's very suspicious, actually. Dodger never texts back quickly. Especially suspicious however is the fact that he's luring Squalo into his den, even if Squalo can somewhat appreciate Dodger not simply inviting himself over instead. ]
[ Which... would actually be fine at the moment, but it's better not to get him used to it, because Xanxus may one day be back to him. ]
[ Squalo thinks long and hard whether he wants to walk into such an obvious trap. Being murdered in a drunken stupor was fine, but actually exerting effort for it? Suddenly less tempting. ]
[ Guess he won't die, then. ]
[ He finally takes a goddamn shower, picks up a few swords he's not overly fond of, drags himself out of the suite and texts room service to get tidying while he's out. Haha only peasants clean up their own vomit. ]
Have you ever actually told me where you live?
[ He could ask the front desk, but why bother? Also, he's still hoping for some more clues here, but so far the texts seem genuine enough. ]
[ Because he's not an OP fucker with teleportation powers. Also, because he's dragging this out on purpose. He pauses as he passes Yamamoto's floor -- considering leaving him his ring for safe keeping. But he's not that resigned to die just yet. And against Dodger of all people, that extra edge of magic could be the difference. between life and death. Might as well keep it, and make it a fight. ]
[ Then he stops at the bar to get more booze to go. ]
[ It's probably a fair while later that he finally makes his way to the suburbs, sneaking through the back yards in an attempt to make sure Xanxus doesn't see him walking around someone else's property and also judge him for the clearly fucking awful idea. Sorry, Garrett, you tried. ]
[ He nods. Dodger's a better liar than him, but it's very believable that he's once again at the bottom of his self-pity spiral, especially given the evidence that Hawke clapped his ass earlier. ]
[ He gives a wry smile at the last part and moves to walk in, assuming Dodger will let him pass. ]
Well that's a little boring.
[ If allowed, he'll borrow Dodger's whiskey along with his entire hand to take a swig, then let go to let him have it. ]
[ Maybe he'll tell him about how convinced Hector was that he said the truth about not going to the cult later. Maybe not at all. He swans in, drops his booze bag on a couch/table/windowpane/whatever is nearby, pulls one out -- ]
[ and fucking flinches like he'd just gotten a brick dropped over the top of his head. ]
He's not my husband.
[ is the answer he manages to muster, but he's totally looking in the opposite direction at the moment. ]
[ Part of him, of course, believes that they will be back together before long. How else could it possibly go? There was nobody else good enough for either of them. And yet that cold dread won't let go of him. That maybe this is it, and he'll be forced to live the rest of his life as half a man. ]
[ There's maybe a middle ground there somewhere, and he manages to toss a nonchalant reply a few moments later, ]
Few weeks, maybe. So yeah, nobody's gonna be looking for my body. [ He shrugs with a wry grin. Changed your mind yet? ] Since when do you care, anyway?
[Although... he's surprised the answer is that long. He hasn't really been keeping up with Squalo's life, but he'd just assumed the two of them were holed up somewhere enjoying their fucked-up, atrophied idea of domestic bliss. As if he can judge.
He leans on the door as he closes it, and pauses to light a cigarette.]
You're my friend. Currently, the only one I have. Why shouldn't I care?
[ He just huffs at that. Look, he hasn't ditched work for a month to fuck before, so there's no reason to believe that's what happened now. Also fuck you Brett, you're atrophied. Their domestic bliss is the best and most valid, thanks. ]
I assume you'd like to keep it that way, so let's not talk about him right now.
[ Yeah, he's bitchy. But also still totally devoted, because he's loyal and stupid like that. ]
[ That answer sort of explains a lot, though. Squalo's perfectly aware that Hector and Garrett must be higher on the friends list than him, which means... ]
Fucked up with the Order, huh?
[ He's... actually not feeling murderous despite the implications, though. This is different from last time. And, honestly, he doesn't quite have the mental capacity to care about other people being tortured right now. ]
[Dodger raises his brows, making no attempt to mask his surprise. He knows Squalo is defensive of Xanxus, but not to the point of snapping at him for an off-hand comment.
He's silent for a few seconds, before he finally answers.]
Yeah. I couldn't finish what I was doing. Honestly, I... should have stopped sooner, but I didn't.
[Should have, should have. All he ever worries about is what should have happened.]
I want you to hurt me because I deserve it. Because the others didn't deserve what I did to them. Probably won't change anything, but... I'm starting to like the idea of serving my penance.
[ It's less being defensive and more being mad and wanting a goddamn break from thinking about him, though the difference is probably very subtle from the outside. Squalo just glowers at that surprised look and doesn't elaborate. ]
Or pressed on to the end. The worst possible thing to do is get stuck in the middle.
[ He sighs, rolls his eyes, and rubs the bridge of his nose. ]
Don't you fuckin' dare get started on that again. Now, we both know you're not going to repent, but if by some freak accident you did, who the hell would keep me company?
[ How about Xanxus, right? Oh wait. Forbidden. But also, congratulations, for once Squalo is admitting there's some kind of self-interest here rather than just putting Dodger down for the hell of it. ]
[ He gestures impatiently, clearly not keen to linger on the topic. ]
Alright, lay out your boundaries and we can get started.
[ He assumes he won't want to die again, but other than that... ]
[He bites his lip, and almost argues against Squalo's assertion. Because he doesn't want to leave he just... well. What does he want to get out of this, other than feeling marginally better?]
Don't kill me. Don't cut my face. Punching it is fine. If I really can't handle something, ah... my safeword is Songbird.
[He scratches his head with a hint of awkwardness.]
And leave my wrists alone. You're gonna start leaving an indent soon.
[ Is he making some kind of a point? Maybe. There's definitely things Dodger could have done that would make Squalo swear him off forever, of course, so he's not going to keep tugging on the lion's tail there. ]
'Nd if you don't want to lose people, why the fuck did you even go for it?
[ You could have still had all your friends, Brett ]
[ Anyway, Squalo nods along, making note to absolutely ignore any mentions of songbirds because safe words were for pussies and Dodger should have known what he's signing up for by putting himself in his hands. ]
[ And he'll just start off with a nice, hard backhand across Dodger's face because he just feels like it, and then stares at his hand for a moment, clenching and unclenching his fingers as if fascinated by their movement. Wow, it's almost like his hand moved by itself. ]
So? You should have more marks from me. Hell, I'm like, ten percent burns at this point.
[That's... a fair point. All of it is a fair point. And that slap makes him flinch, but he doesn't back down. He just straightens back up, and waits for the next hit.]
I thought I could game the system. I thought if I could get the Order's favor I could find out more about how this dimension works. I could find a way to get Hector out.
[He bites his lip.]
It's the sort of thing that worked back home. I've done it before.
[ Honestly, Squalo's about to have some doubts whether his relatively normal frame even can harm Dodger at this point. He clenches his artificial hand experimentally, weighs it for a moment, then throws a hefty punch from the side. He'd better fuckin' feel this. ]
[ Of course, that won't stop him from continuing a casual conversation. ]
Hold it right there. You've got to stop pulling the Hector card. Why would anyone give a shit that you're helping someone else by fucking 'em up? I mean, we care about him, but that's not some universal constant. [ He's aiming a kick at the other man's knee, all play-like. ] Claiming you're doing it for him doesn't make the heinous shit you do any more good, or more righteous, or more deserving of forgiveness or whatever points you think you're winning by bringing it up.
[ He considers for a moment, decides it's time for some goddamn pain both ways, and reaches out to grip the front of Dodger's clothes, pulling him closer in an almost sensual manner. ]
It's just an excuse that lets you feel better and keep hiding from yourself. Ooh, look at me, I'm doing a good. [ He fucking boops him on the nose with his free index finger, gives him a Look, then lovingly headbutts him in the face hard enough that even Squalo himself sees green for a moment. ]
[ Damn, yeah, that's the stuff. He fuckin laughs as he stumbles before regaining balance. Then he looks at Dodger with a certain amount of curiosity. ]
You mean to tell me you've gamed the system from the bottom rung before?
[Fuck, okay, that punch actually hurts. He reels from it, and has to shake himself off before he can focus on what Squalo's saying again. At least this way, he really does listen to what he's told. Even though the kick hurts, and... the headbutt doesn't do as much damage to him as it does to Squalo, but it definitely doesn't feel great.
If nothing else, it is calming. There's something intoxicating about the feeling of being hit.]
If no one cares why I'm doing it, then why the fuck should I explain anything?
[He shakes himself off again, and bends his knee experimentally. He might end up with some bruises, but this feels like foreplay.]
I never said what I was doing was good or righteous, I knew it was stupid going in. But it was something, and I missed my shot for every other plan I had.
[That question makes him pause, though, and he cocks his head.]
Yeah. It's been a while, but I know what I'm doing. [Pause.] I think.
[ There really is. Squalo's still grinning like a maniac as he rubs his forehead. There may be some blood? Whatever. ]
I haven't asked you to.
[ Not yet, anyway. It was tempting, but in Squalo's case it's more pure curiosity of what happened, rather than any sort of righteous want to have Dodger explain his actions. ]
[ Another punch to the face, though with his normal hand this time. ]
You sure about that? Whatever their conflict with Lucifer, they clearly lost. The only thing you could learn from them is what not to do.
[He sets his jaw, and that puts him in prime position for that punch to really hurt. He lets out a quiet, frustrated noise and whips a hand out to grab Squalo's wrist, yanking him closer, until it's weirdly intimate.]
You don't learn from victories. Whatever the conflict is, Lucifer is scared of them. If he wasn't, they wouldn't get close enough to bother us.
[His grip tightens, and his gaze wanders over Squalo's face.]
It doesn't matter. I'm not going after them again, not when Hector isn't speaking to me.
[ Squalo says it with his usual grin which seems to grow wider as Dodger grips his wrist harder, apparently not quite bothered by it. There's always a certain thrill when someone can just... handle him, even if in a small way like this. He tilts his head slightly, eyes on the other man. ]
If he was, he would have eradicated them a long time ago. He's had the chances. The fact that they still whimper around the underbelly of Hell just proves they're not considered a proper threat.
[ He raises an eyebrow when Dodger mentions Hector's not talking to him; it's hardly surprising and also long overdue, but at the same time despite his constant encouragement to that end, he's well aware that something had to happen for Hector to finally pull the plug. ]
[ He's curious. He's also seeing a glaring plothole right there, considering the sacrifice of good terms has already been made. ]
So you're letting it go to waste.
[ Squalo it's almost like you want to be tortured... ]
[Dodger hesitates. He can't argue with the point about Lucifer - it's a valid one, and one he'd already considered. But it had been worth the risk when all of his more stable plans fell apart.
As for Squalo's apparent demand to be tortured, though.]
I can't finish the list. [He mutters.] I can't hurt Hawke, and that's not because I'm not willing. He... won.
[Even with Squalo, his best friend in Hell, he can't bring himself to admit exactly what Hawke did. But there's fear in his eyes, before he tries to move on.]
Anyway, they said not to talk about it. So it probably doesn't matter.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
text // @dodger
Still, if anyone would understand, it's Squalo.]
i want to get hurt
should i still come to you for that?
voice-to-text;
[ Either way, once he reads and registers the message, he understands several things. 1) What a funny coincidence, he wants to get hurt too. 2) Dodger may, in fact, be trying to trick him and go full-ham crazy on him, like Garrett warned him. 3) If Dodger's going crazy on him, he won't be able to also be going crazy on Xanxus during this time. ]
[ Two against one. Hmmmmm. ]
It's better than hurting yourself, isn't it? [ The phrasing may or may not be enough to tip him off about Squalo's own well-being. ] Less pathetic.
[ It's not a yes, but also not a no. He doesn't care for his life just enough at the moment that he can allow himself the luxury to wait and see what would happen. Maybe he can get more information before deciding. Maybe Dodger will just pop up and rip his ribcage apart again. ]
[ Nonetheless, he's already rolling off the couch and grabbing around for a weapon, though he's definitely not in proper fight shape at the moment. ]
no subject
yeah
exactly
come to my house
we can make a mess in here
dont care how much blood ends up on the floor
[He's pacing nervously while he waits for Squalo to show up, and might jump when he hears a knock.]
no subject
[ Which... would actually be fine at the moment, but it's better not to get him used to it, because Xanxus may one day be back to him. ]
[ Squalo thinks long and hard whether he wants to walk into such an obvious trap. Being murdered in a drunken stupor was fine, but actually exerting effort for it? Suddenly less tempting. ]
[ Guess he won't die, then. ]
[ He finally takes a goddamn shower, picks up a few swords he's not overly fond of, drags himself out of the suite and texts room service to get tidying while he's out. Haha only peasants clean up their own vomit. ]
Have you ever actually told me where you live?
[ He could ask the front desk, but why bother? Also, he's still hoping for some more clues here, but so far the texts seem genuine enough. ]
no subject
5th house into the suburbs
the dogs are outside
youll see them
[More pacing. Why can't Squalo just teleport? This is taking so long, he's starting to lose his nerve.]
no subject
[ Then he stops at the bar to get more booze to go. ]
[ It's probably a fair while later that he finally makes his way to the suburbs, sneaking through the back yards in an attempt to make sure Xanxus doesn't see him walking around someone else's property and also judge him for the clearly fucking awful idea. Sorry, Garrett, you tried. ]
[ Eventually, there's a knock on the back door. ]
no subject
He opens the door and leans on it; clearly drunk, with a half-empty bottle of whiskey in hand.]
Hey.
[The air around him is practically crackling with anxiety.]
no subject
[ He lifts his good hand in greeting along with a wry smirk. ]
Hey. Lookin' better than last time.
[ Though he has a pretty good idea about what happened. He's gone after others, possibly others besides Garrett that were more successful. ]
[ He leans against the doorframe at arm's length, examining Dodger's face, head slightly tilted to the side. ]
I'll just get it out of the way now. Are you planning to kill me?
no subject
He looks Squalo over with a mild expression, and lets out a quiet sigh. He's so tired.]
No. I want you to hurt me. I'm not going to fight back.
no subject
[ He gives a wry smile at the last part and moves to walk in, assuming Dodger will let him pass. ]
Well that's a little boring.
[ If allowed, he'll borrow Dodger's whiskey along with his entire hand to take a swig, then let go to let him have it. ]
Should I start with your feelings, or?
no subject
No, it really doesn't matter what I'm feeling.
[Although... Squalo is getting a leveled look from Dodger, gaze moving up and down to take the man in properly.]
How long have we got before your husband comes knocking?
no subject
[ Maybe he'll tell him about how convinced Hector was that he said the truth about not going to the cult later. Maybe not at all. He swans in, drops his booze bag on a couch/table/windowpane/whatever is nearby, pulls one out -- ]
[ and fucking flinches like he'd just gotten a brick dropped over the top of his head. ]
He's not my husband.
[ is the answer he manages to muster, but he's totally looking in the opposite direction at the moment. ]
[ Part of him, of course, believes that they will be back together before long. How else could it possibly go? There was nobody else good enough for either of them. And yet that cold dread won't let go of him. That maybe this is it, and he'll be forced to live the rest of his life as half a man. ]
[ There's maybe a middle ground there somewhere, and he manages to toss a nonchalant reply a few moments later, ]
Few weeks, maybe. So yeah, nobody's gonna be looking for my body. [ He shrugs with a wry grin. Changed your mind yet? ] Since when do you care, anyway?
no subject
[Although... he's surprised the answer is that long. He hasn't really been keeping up with Squalo's life, but he'd just assumed the two of them were holed up somewhere enjoying their fucked-up, atrophied idea of domestic bliss.
As if he can judge.He leans on the door as he closes it, and pauses to light a cigarette.]
You're my friend. Currently, the only one I have. Why shouldn't I care?
no subject
I assume you'd like to keep it that way, so let's not talk about him right now.
[ Yeah, he's bitchy. But also still totally devoted, because he's loyal and stupid like that. ]
[ That answer sort of explains a lot, though. Squalo's perfectly aware that Hector and Garrett must be higher on the friends list than him, which means... ]
Fucked up with the Order, huh?
[ He's... actually not feeling murderous despite the implications, though. This is different from last time. And, honestly, he doesn't quite have the mental capacity to care about other people being tortured right now. ]
no subject
He's silent for a few seconds, before he finally answers.]
Yeah. I couldn't finish what I was doing. Honestly, I... should have stopped sooner, but I didn't.
[Should have, should have. All he ever worries about is what should have happened.]
I want you to hurt me because I deserve it. Because the others didn't deserve what I did to them. Probably won't change anything, but... I'm starting to like the idea of serving my penance.
no subject
Or pressed on to the end. The worst possible thing to do is get stuck in the middle.
[ He sighs, rolls his eyes, and rubs the bridge of his nose. ]
Don't you fuckin' dare get started on that again. Now, we both know you're not going to repent, but if by some freak accident you did, who the hell would keep me company?
[ How about Xanxus, right? Oh wait. Forbidden. But also, congratulations, for once Squalo is admitting there's some kind of self-interest here rather than just putting Dodger down for the hell of it. ]
[ He gestures impatiently, clearly not keen to linger on the topic. ]
Alright, lay out your boundaries and we can get started.
[ He assumes he won't want to die again, but other than that... ]
no subject
[He bites his lip, and almost argues against Squalo's assertion. Because he doesn't want to leave he just... well. What does he want to get out of this, other than feeling marginally better?]
Don't kill me. Don't cut my face. Punching it is fine. If I really can't handle something, ah... my safeword is Songbird.
[He scratches his head with a hint of awkwardness.]
And leave my wrists alone. You're gonna start leaving an indent soon.
no subject
[ Is he making some kind of a point? Maybe. There's definitely things Dodger could have done that would make Squalo swear him off forever, of course, so he's not going to keep tugging on the lion's tail there. ]
'Nd if you don't want to lose people, why the fuck did you even go for it?
[ You could have still had all your friends, Brett ]
[ Anyway, Squalo nods along, making note to absolutely ignore any mentions of songbirds because safe words were for pussies and Dodger should have known what he's signing up for by putting himself in his hands. ]
[ And he'll just start off with a nice, hard backhand across Dodger's face because he just feels like it, and then stares at his hand for a moment, clenching and unclenching his fingers as if fascinated by their movement. Wow, it's almost like his hand moved by itself. ]
So? You should have more marks from me. Hell, I'm like, ten percent burns at this point.
no subject
I thought I could game the system. I thought if I could get the Order's favor I could find out more about how this dimension works. I could find a way to get Hector out.
[He bites his lip.]
It's the sort of thing that worked back home. I've done it before.
no subject
[ Of course, that won't stop him from continuing a casual conversation. ]
Hold it right there. You've got to stop pulling the Hector card. Why would anyone give a shit that you're helping someone else by fucking 'em up? I mean, we care about him, but that's not some universal constant. [ He's aiming a kick at the other man's knee, all play-like. ] Claiming you're doing it for him doesn't make the heinous shit you do any more good, or more righteous, or more deserving of forgiveness or whatever points you think you're winning by bringing it up.
[ He considers for a moment, decides it's time for some goddamn pain both ways, and reaches out to grip the front of Dodger's clothes, pulling him closer in an almost sensual manner. ]
It's just an excuse that lets you feel better and keep hiding from yourself. Ooh, look at me, I'm doing a good. [ He fucking boops him on the nose with his free index finger, gives him a Look, then lovingly headbutts him in the face hard enough that even Squalo himself sees green for a moment. ]
[ Damn, yeah, that's the stuff. He fuckin laughs as he stumbles before regaining balance. Then he looks at Dodger with a certain amount of curiosity. ]
You mean to tell me you've gamed the system from the bottom rung before?
no subject
If nothing else, it is calming. There's something intoxicating about the feeling of being hit.]
If no one cares why I'm doing it, then why the fuck should I explain anything?
[He shakes himself off again, and bends his knee experimentally. He might end up with some bruises, but this feels like foreplay.]
I never said what I was doing was good or righteous, I knew it was stupid going in. But it was something, and I missed my shot for every other plan I had.
[That question makes him pause, though, and he cocks his head.]
Yeah. It's been a while, but I know what I'm doing. [Pause.] I think.
no subject
I haven't asked you to.
[ Not yet, anyway. It was tempting, but in Squalo's case it's more pure curiosity of what happened, rather than any sort of righteous want to have Dodger explain his actions. ]
[ Another punch to the face, though with his normal hand this time. ]
You sure about that? Whatever their conflict with Lucifer, they clearly lost. The only thing you could learn from them is what not to do.
no subject
You don't learn from victories. Whatever the conflict is, Lucifer is scared of them. If he wasn't, they wouldn't get close enough to bother us.
[His grip tightens, and his gaze wanders over Squalo's face.]
It doesn't matter. I'm not going after them again, not when Hector isn't speaking to me.
no subject
[ Squalo says it with his usual grin which seems to grow wider as Dodger grips his wrist harder, apparently not quite bothered by it. There's always a certain thrill when someone can just... handle him, even if in a small way like this. He tilts his head slightly, eyes on the other man. ]
If he was, he would have eradicated them a long time ago. He's had the chances. The fact that they still whimper around the underbelly of Hell just proves they're not considered a proper threat.
[ He raises an eyebrow when Dodger mentions Hector's not talking to him; it's hardly surprising and also long overdue, but at the same time despite his constant encouragement to that end, he's well aware that something had to happen for Hector to finally pull the plug. ]
[ He's curious. He's also seeing a glaring plothole right there, considering the sacrifice of good terms has already been made. ]
So you're letting it go to waste.
[ Squalo it's almost like you want to be tortured... ]
no subject
As for Squalo's apparent demand to be tortured, though.]
I can't finish the list. [He mutters.] I can't hurt Hawke, and that's not because I'm not willing. He... won.
[Even with Squalo, his best friend in Hell, he can't bring himself to admit exactly what Hawke did. But there's fear in his eyes, before he tries to move on.]
Anyway, they said not to talk about it. So it probably doesn't matter.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
1/2
2/2
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
/glances at ur icon he's getting turned on by this isnt he
maybe a little bit (maybe a lot)
oh no
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)