sharktrash | IC inbox for Snowblind

[ a teensy weensy bit ]

Hey, I don't do empty words.

[ Like, you know, when he said he would fucking murder Junpei and then he did. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ]

So physically searching the place, for the most part. Should I keep an eye for anything in particular? Any ideas on door unlocking so far?

I'm just teasing! Um... Let me think...

[ This would be a lot easier with all her memories. Probably. She thinks. ]

Obviously I'd be looking for any computers or tech in general? Um... we floated the idea of there being weapons in there, too, since it' presumably a military bunker. That'd be useful. The spiders don't seem to have ransacked the place, so. There could be all kinds of illicit things hidden away.

...If you find a nuke button, don't press it.

[ So that's basically... anything. ]

Are we assuming the bunker-weapons would affect the anomalies? Otherwise I really don't see how they'd be useful. Fuck, I can't believe I just said that.

[ HE LOVES WEAPONS it just hasn't exactly helped him here. ]

Ooooh, can't promise that. Sounds awfully tempting.

[ Except he won't, because Xanxus is here. :( ]

Iunno. But weapons are always useful for something! Maybe they'll have something corrosive or even slag-imbued so we can weaken doors and just brute force our way through them? Um, again assuming that they exist.

[ And also assuming that weapons here work like the ones from her world. Angel. Angel bb no. ]

And just remember that if we all get nuked, I will die and you'll have flouted your own durr durr no dying, Angel rules and will therefore have owned yourself. Bad.

[ the fuck is slag even ]

That does sound kinda cool.

[ Guess he'll keep an eye out, then. But he doubts it'll be that easy. It's never that easy. ]

Damn. Tripped right up with red tape. Good job.

[ u should be a ceo ]

I know, right? There obviously isn't anything there as sophisticated as the defenses on my bunker, but that doesn't mean there mightn't be something cool. Like this one gun in Jack's office? A shotgun that shoots several bullets at once, and each of those bullets splits into even more bullets. I always wanted to try using it, but Jack was all durr durr recoil will kill you if the ricocheting bullets don't durrrrrr I'm a tool..

[ Hey look, an instance of Jack being right! ]

[ did he actually say he's a tool that doesn't sound consistent with what he's learned so far but what the fuck does he know. whatever. ]

[ it is, however, super weird to hear someone referring to their father by name. oh, sure, guy was an ass, but that didn't make them not family, did it? Squalo never had any respect or proper bond for his own father but he still referred to him as one. Only person he can think of who doesn't is Xanxus, and it wasn't due to personal preference but to customs - a Don's title came first, even to family, but that was exception to the rule. He's not sure how he feels about this; he doesn't care enough to find real discomfort in it but it's... strange. maybe a bit jarring. ]

[ just gonna laugh a bit over bullets inside bullets here. ]

They do say there's no such thing as overkill.

There are a lot of bandits on Pandora, okay! And most of them are the bad kind that want to murder you and peel the skin off your face, so you need something like that for crowd control.

[ ... ]

MIRV grenades will also work in a pinch. The ones that explode more than once?

[ Ahhh, nostalgia. Blood and guts are gross close up, but that doesn't mean she can't be weirdly sentimental about watching the vault hunters kick ungodly amounts of butt through her cameras. Soooooo cooooooooool. ]

[ Ooooookay that is certainly an interesting expression to have after mentioning skin peeling. Not that Squalo hasn't done that. Both the expression and the peeling, though not quite in Pandoran quantities. More like one little piece. Ahem. ]

That sounds... special.

[ Look he's not judging but also maybe having a really hot fantasy of Angel blasting people up with an explosive shotgun. It's really messy and gorey and thank fuck it's cold here or he'd have a vertical proof of excitement right now. ]

Special? Oh. I'm. Being weird, aren't I.

[ HECK. Clearly Squalo is SUPER PUT OFF by all this talk of appreciation for the art of extreme violence andhahahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ]

Would it be less weird if I mentioned that those kinda things are also really useful for taking out the local wildlife? Because, um, a lot of it is huge and basically every species that exists there wants to kill you too. Just with less face removal and mor-- you know, I should just quit while I'm ahead, huh.

[ sHIT SHIT SHOOT ]

No. Not-- in a bad way. Go on.

[ TELL HIM MORE ABOUT FACE AND OTHER PARTS REMOVAL sounds like the local wildlife is fun! Who doesn't love a good evisceration before breakfast? Also pls feed his bloodthirsty rambo!Angel fantasy some more here. ]

Oh, well then. I. Okay!

[ OH BOY, SHE GETS TO RAMBLE. Heck yeah!! ]

One of the biggest and most murdery animals is the rakk hive! Even the smallest ones are, like, fifty feet tall? And when they aren't hibernating, they're incredibly ornery due to the holes in their backs being home to entire nests of rakks. Which are - they're sorta like big leathery murderbirds. Really annoying. Those tend to attack in flocks, so that's where the shotgun with the ungodly amount of bullets would come in handy! Right? Because the idea is to pulp as many of the sons-of-wit-- bitches as you can with one shot to get them out of your hair. Especially if the hive is nearby!

But a shotgun won't do much good against that, of course, because its hide is really thick and also you'd have to get close to it, which is kinda asking to get stepped on. Super gross way to die, by the by. People just kinda pop, it's the worst. So you're best off using a sniper rifle to shoot out its eyes, or a rocket launcher to just heck it the fuck up. From range. Obviously.

...Don't tell anyone, but I always kinda thought that the rocket launchers we made at Hyperion were pretty lame. You don't go to the company known for accuracy if you want something big and explodey, right? You buy from Torgue if you want the hugest and most explodiest of explosions, or from Maliwan if you want something inflammatory. Or corrosive. That stuff melts right through the flesh, like - schwlurp.

[ That's a very graphic sound effect of a corrosive missile melting its way through a lot of giant-ass monster meat. One very obviously imitated from real life experience. IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED SQUALO ]

So cool.

[ NOT ENTIRELY TBH BUT HE'LL TAKE IT ]

[ just listens and laments not having a glass of whiskey for this time of tales ]

Cool.

[ BECAUSE IT KINDA IS? Especially the people popping part. Not so much the from range part, because he doesn't really fight from range so that sucks. But hey, maybe he could melee this rakk hive and emerge victorious! ]

So kinda like the shotgun, huh. Animal full of smaller animals. Is it like a parasite thing? [ More importantly; ] Sounds like you're a weapons expert. Can't say I've heard any of those before.

Yeah, kinda like the shotgun! As for whether the relationship is parasitic or symbiotic, nobody's entirely sure. The rakks obviously irritate the hive, but provide an important defense mechanism, too! And they don't feed off the hive as far as we're aware. They seem to prefer the local bandit population as a food source, even though the bandits pose a greater threat to them than most other things on the planet? Because guns. And buzzsaws. And throwing axes. And the occasional flamethrower.

[ Sigh. Pandora sure is a heck of a place. :') ]

And, well, I wouldn't call myself an expert. But there wasn't much for me to do in the bunker for a really long time, and I had access to all Hyperion's files including weapon schematics and specifications? So of course I used to check those out. And corporate spying is always a thing, so I got to peek at some other manufacturers' things too, and then when I was charged with watching the vault hunters I got to see it all in action and you kind of have to gain an appreciation for weaponry when you see it used well, right? Like freaking poetry, except not lame.

[ he starts fucking laughing when the guns are joined by buzzsaws and axes and flamethrowers because that sounds like one resort town he wouldn't be bored at. one way ticket to pandora pls ]

[ well, maybe once they're sure they can't take back the criminal empire from the doe-eyed brat. ]

Man I'd like to see that. Or do that, honestly. [ VIOLENCE IS THE BEST POETRY EVER. ] Ever wish you got to try it?

[ Clearly now that she's out of the bunker they should just both go on a vacay murder spree and find out how it really feels like :'| ]

[ Squalo and murderfriends would do well on Pandora, lbr. And they'd be welcomed with open arms! And guns and buzzsaws and throwing axes and-- ]

Kinda, yeah. They always looked like they were having a lot of fun! And being locked away for safety reasons really kinda makes you wish you were able to do dangerous things, you know? Because confinement is boring, but danger is exciting and forbidden and all that good stuff.

[ Which could all also apply to any teeny-tiny crushes someone may be harbouring I mean what ]

I mean, I'd probably get my butt kicked in five seconds flat. But it'd be a fun five seconds? Probably.

[ SOUNDS LIKE A JOLLY GOOD TIME. they could take over a town like those badass bandit bosses and shit. maybe not quite vault hunter level but still. ]

Heh, I can imagine. Can't stand being bored. This place is hell just because of that. Cold, shitty food and boredom, it's like the trifecta of suck.

[ oh no ]

Y'know, that just means you should go with someone that'll watch out for your butt.

[ fukken smooth ]

[ WHAT A DARING DREAM. Pls allow for everyone in the known universe to shed a tear at this most perfect of mental images. ]

[ OK DONE ]

At least it's less boring when there are awesome people to talk to, isn't it? [WINK WONK] And I suppose that would work. But you know that there's a difference between watching out for someone's butt and just plain watching the butt, right? I'd have to choose my butt-bodyguard very carefully.

[ SO MUCH GIGGLING THIS IS SO DUMB ]

[ it would be perfect. ]

'Course. But the two aren't mutually exclusive. [ wink wonk ] And, y'know, I'm a professional.

[ bodyguard, not butt-watcher... but maybe both ]

[ OH MY FUCKING FUCK I'M DEAD, ]

Oh, a multitasker! How the heck am I supposed to refuse that kinda offer from someone so talented?? I'd say consider yourself future-hired, but Iunno how much you charge. Or even if you accept stolen space dollars.

[ Which are the BEST kind of space dollars but u no ]

[ THAT AINT EVEN ALL OF THEM, ]

[ preens ]

Think I can make an exception for you. One time offer only.

Awww. I'm honoured! No take-backs. That's a binding verbal contract and all that crap.

[ MAN she hopes it's possible to do this after everything's over. She's not actually expecting things to be that easy, though. :''') ]

Sounds good to me.

[ If only. :') ]

[ And I sort of forgot what was going on here so probably a good place to wrap. ]

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